Casual Sex Ended My Dieting Fixation
Obtaining a certain size or weight was my New Years Resolution for a large part of my life. Thinking back, my body fixation started after my parents went through a divorce, when I was 6. My dad said he was leaving because my mom had gained weight and didn’t keep a clean house. My new step-mom was diet obsessed since she had once been heavy. I recall being in my early teens and being given SlimFast instead of meals when visiting their house. And I was not FAT or Overweight. I wore a size 5/6. I was 5’6″ and 115/120 lbs. But I thought I was big. As I went through high school and college, I was mostly single. My belief was that I must not be thin enough to attract a man. To know what I know now! Looking back at photos, I had a smokin’ bod, teetering on the edge of being too thin (in my opinion now).
I was always trying something new, some new exercise, some new pill. The damage we do to our bodies. I didn’t really go to extremes but I was a compulsive dieter. As I have aged, I have put on weight. I am about 80 lbs more than I was in college, but there is no longer self-hate talk when I look in the mirror. I once heard a woman say that we say things to ourselves that we would never allow someone else to say to us. TRUTH. So what does sex have to do with it?
When I embarked on a journey to experience my 1st orgasm (which was with a sex toy, in my mid-twenties), I had to first learn about my body and how to experience it fully. With that orgasm came with my mantra, “If everyone had more of orgasms, we could have world peace.”
It also came with a new internal confidence that I had never had before. Confidence to love myself, to experience pleasure, and to have sex whenever and with whomever I wanted. The only way we can get good at something is to practice, right! Even though I often felt like the ugly ducking, I did tend to attract the hot guys. Maybe they just wanted sex and I was ok with that. The compliments I began receiving about my now plus-size body and sexual ability encouraged me to love my curves even more.
There have been a few guys who really made a difference for me, for the love of my body. A personal ad that really sticks out in my mind was a man looking for a woman who was 250 lbs. or more. I reached out to see if he would be interested in someone who was closer to 200 lbs. Lucky for me, this hot firefighter was up for it, and we began an ongoing, casual sexual relationship that continued for many years. He wasn’t the only one. It was very empowering.
Sharing naked photos was out of my comfort zone. However, once I began to receive pussy praise, it bolstered my confidence. NOTE: I don’t send THOSE photos to men I haven’t met. And allowing someone to explore my body, often in the daylight, was empowering. Those experiences, along with the confidence self-pleasure provides, have lead me to love my body for what it is and to dis the dieting roller coaster, for much more meaningful annual goals.
